Friday, April 17, 2020

Consistently


Yesterday, for the first time, I counted up last night the number of days that I have been “home” - using that loosely as I have been out of house as the designated Walmart / Sam’s shopper for our crew. The count begins from the first day both girls were officially out of school for CoVid-19 and never returned. The total: 37 days. Thirty-seven days since I’ve been with friends, since my kids have seen friends, been to school/homeschool classes, or worshipped in our church building. That’s a lot of days! There are probably many that have been home-bound for longer, and the number isn’t letting up for another few weeks at any rate. And, to be honest, will I really rush out the moment that the stay-at-home is lifted?



Over all, the staying at home part hasn’t bothered me at all. I’m a homebody and quite introverted so having my calendar suddenly become clear hasn’t been a huge burden. I’ve missed watching my kids play their spring sports, and I will miss seeing my eighth grader participate in mock trial in a real courtroom - mock trial on zoom just isn’t quite the same. But even with my love of home, it took about three weeks before I really started getting down. Days were blurring and it was hard to be motivated to continue homeschooling my crew and keeping up with stuff. I decided I needed a little motivation to see if I could get myself back into a better frame of mind because that’s really where the problem was centering. My mind was set in unproductive and unprofitable ways and it was dragging me down.

Fun fact - in general, I am not motivated by a daily checklist. Seeing a list of things I have to check off makes me absolutely not want to do them. Which is weird because I’m such a list maker and love making a list of things that I need to get to, but that I work in when needed or it fits ... but a week of boxes marked with things I need to do daily? Such a turn off. I am nothing if not contradictory! I am motivated by routine - creating a flow to my day where things naturally fit in because it’s just what I do then, so I do it. I think it was Gretchen Rubin who talks about this in one of her habit books - that the best way to make a new habit is to combine it with a habit that you are already doing and after so many days of attaching it to something it just becomes part of that routine as well. You would no sooner forget to do B than you would A now, if that makes sense. And then, it made sense as to maybe one of the reasons I was feeling super out of whack and depressed - I was missing my routine. I was no longer getting up to take kids to school daily; when I did that, I made a point to be up before then so I could have some quiet time before the drop off run. I was still sort-of getting up before Ethan at least, but not long enough for a enough time to settle my mind for the day, for sure. And let’s not talk about bedtimes! With not needing to get up for school, we were being fairly lax with winding down at night and that doesn’t work well (for me) either. It makes me laugh a little that it took me so long to figure out what was out of sync!

A couple weeks ago, I started setting my alarm again. Not crazy 5am times like when we had school, but 6:30ish. I enjoyed the sun being up when I got up! I had time to open my Bible and prayer notebook - even if it was 20-30 minutes it was helping me so much. I picked a book of the Bible to work my way through so I had a place to return to (taking that decision fatigue out of the way as well). I also added 3 other things to my day that I wanted to try and fit in as part of my routine - not a checklist to make it mechanical, but remembering to take time to do things that bring me joy v. checking the news and scrolling Facebook, ie., things that do NOT bring me joy! I resolved to try and take a photo, read a little, and create a little something every day. All things that in real-non-CoVid life I did, but that I had stopped making time for because sitting and fretting took up my time instead. Pretty lame. And “create” has a very b r o a d meaning - it might mean that I print one of those photos I took and stick it in my scrapbook. It might mean I crochet for a bit while I watch something with one of the kids. I even might count dinner as being creative if it was a new recipe! This doesn’t mean I don’t still get anxious (unfortunately). Or that I don’t hyperventilate when I tie my bandana on before running into Walmart because I feel claustrophobic. But it’s making me think twice about checking the news, or seeing if I’m missed non-existent texts, or checking my email for thirtieth time in 20 minutes, that kind of thing. One day my days will be very full with driving and going and all the doing, but hopefully these markers for my days will be so ingrained they will stick around.

Saturday, April 11, 2020

Currently :: April 2020

This has been on the list of things to do for a few weeks, but I've apparently hit that point in our sheltering in place that I've dusted off the blog!

Cooking: all the things. I know I'm not the only one who has funneled all their monthly money into groceries! I'm not spending it on gas or sports or (too many) books. I'm not complaining though - this time at home as rekindled my love of slowly chopping veggies, simmering sauces, and cooking dinner. I won't complain when our evening sports start up, but I have really enjoyed cooking real meals and not something that we eat hurriedly before heading out the door or warm up when we get home (or figure out how to pack it). Some favorites that we've enjoyed:

  • Whole Kitchen Sink's beef and broccoli. If you don't have the coconut aminos and arrowroot flour to make it Whole 30 (sometimes I do and sometimes I don't), you can easily sub soy sauce and cornstarch. Delicious and came together super fast in the instant pot.
  • Naptime Kitchen's Salsa Verde chicken. Yum and one that I made substitutions with as well - I didn't have salsa verde so just threw in regular salsa instead. I love recipes that I can tweak with what's in the cabinet. Of note: her greek-ish crockpot chicken is in regular rotation around here and it is so good. 
  • Lazy Genius' from scratch tikki masala. SO GOOD. I usually use a jar of sauce to make this, but no more.
  • homemade sausage gravy with biscuits (from a can). This was a huge crowd pleaser so I need to do this again.


Lest you think dinner is from scratch every night, I've also bought a ton of frozen pizzas from Sam's as well. I'm so thankful that some of the food buying frenzy has slowed down in the last week or so - at least I can tell it has in my local store. They still are limiting things like bread and eggs, but the last couple times I went in, I was able to get everything on my list (minus yeast which I can't find anywhere!) The first few weeks when I would go, I would get a horrible tightness in my chest and pit of my stomach just looking at all that was picked over and empty. The Lord has totally provided and we haven't missed a single meal, but seeing those empty cases and shelves made it seem very scary and real.

Empty meat cases at Sam's
Baking: not me, but the girls. Almost every day someone is asking me if they can make chocolate chip cookies, muffins, etc. It's a blessing ... and a curse! They, like me with dinner, have time to do it, and unfortunately, they are pretty good at it. I will leave you with the one thing that I have baked several times now and think about all the time: SkinnyTaste's everything-but-the-bagel bagel balls stuffed with cream cheese. So so good.



Going: no where for the most part. Perks of this - I'm on the same tank of gas going on three weeks now! Downside: the only time I get out is a hurried trip into Walmart or Sam's. I've just decided that those are the two places I'm going to go and I get in and get out. I made an exception yesterday with a trip to Target (my first in a couple months it seems like) to try and by some yeast for a request for homemade pizza dough but I totally struck out. We have made a couple trips into the pediatricians for wellness appointments and their office has done a great job getting us in and out the door. I would have put those off like everything else, but my school girls needed some forms for registration for the fall and I felt like we would be safe doing it. 

Reading: currently I have a couple books that are in the queue or in process: 
  • Christine Hoover's With All Your Heart: Living Joyfully through Allegiance to King Jesus. This book hasn't been the easiest to read. It's pointing out some sin in my life that has been uncomfortable, but I'm thankful for the words that she's put out there for me to work through. 
  • Ethan and I have read Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH together, and just finished the 4th Paddington book, Paddington Abroad, last week. Reading aloud with him after lunch has been a gift (and a needed screen break for him) with so much home time. We're about to start the first book in the Wingfeather series by Andrew Peterson. I've never read these aloud with any of the kids, but since I've been wanting to reread them, Ethan will be a willing participant along with me.
  • The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. Natalie (the 14 year old) has read this twice in the last few years and I'm jealous. One of my favorites and most significant books in my life and I am overdue for a re-read.
There are always others on the shelf waiting to be read as well! I've really cut back on the number of books that I've bought in the last couple of years, choosing to utilize the library for the most part, but I've treated myself to a few used books the last few weeks and hopefully I'll come back and share those finds after I've read them.

Studying: I've been in a CBS (Community Bible Study) study of the minor prophets this year but when school let out mid-March, it ended. I've worked a little on finishing the lessons, but the class has moved to zoom meetings for the last 4-6 class times. To be honest, I don't have time (even with being home so much!) to do zoom meetings during the day ... it's hard with a 9 year old that wants help with math and other kids coming in and out for help as well. I've chalked this up to one of the unfinished things of the season and have pulled a study on James off my shelf to work through. Since he starts right off with a word about steadfastness during trials and handling it with joy, it seems like it might be timely.

Schooling: Several have asked me how it's been going with my two school girls returning home. (In case it's new info, our 16 year old is a sophomore at a public high school and our 12 year old is in 6th grade in public school. The 8th grader and 3rd grader and I are still in Classical Conversations / homeschooling). The 6th grader has settled back into working at home really well - huge props to her school, they have done an outstanding job getting packets of work together for the students. She works a little each day, and even knowing that it's review material and it won't be graded on return; the fact that she has a little work to do each day helps her have something to do and she's keeping up with it. My 10th grader is a different story - her school has NOT provided a lot of guidance or instruction while she's been out, unfortunately, and has really only encouraged the kids to use this time to complete any outstanding assignments. She doesn't have any so as of now, she's in the midst of a six week spring break or so. Nice for her, but I'm curious how they will handle the rest of the year's work? That's the question on everyone's mind ... along with whether or not they will call school in our state for the rest of the year. As of now, our two are supposed to go back the last week in April, but I'm highly doubtful. 

The homeschoolers are plugging along as normal, for the most part. Natalie (8th grade) has a ton of zoom calls a week with her Challenge B class. At least half are for mock trial which she is still preparing for even though they will miss the experience of trying their case in a real courtroom with a real judge. That's been a disappointment after all their hard work for sure! Ethan has gotten to zoom with his little homeschool peeps and it's been precious. He has a great class and you can tell they miss being together. He and I have done the CC science experiments we would have done in class together, like building an egg protector and throwing it off the roof of the house, so that has given us some fun projects to do. 



This is gone on long enough for an update! It's a beautiful Saturday and I have a strawberry pie to bake for our small Easter lunch we'll have tomorrow. Thankful that even though I can't celebrate with others, I still have a Savior who is with me today and who I'll celebrate tomorrow. Hallelujah.

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

A New Word of the Year


It took me several days before I settled into a word for the year for 2020. To be honest, I don't think a word of the year is required. I haven't done one every year; in fact, I think it was 2014 when I last thought hard about having and committing to one to focus on.

This year I decided to spend the year thinking about courage. As I was looking at definitions I settled on this: courage is strength in the face of pain or grief; the ability to undertake an overwhelming difficulty or pain despite the eminent and avoidable presence of fear. I kept coming back to this word and arguing with myself about it. I'm not fighting a horrible disease or on the brink of bankruptcy so I thought courage might be a bit too ... bold of a choice. I could settle for something "easier" like joy or gratitude! But no. I couldn't shake it and started to settle in and see what it might look like for me.

Courage means taking a bold step forward even when you are pretty sure you are going to mess it up. It means trying something new, even when it seems like it's too late. It means admitting I like something even if it's super nerdy and not hip. It also might mean admitting that something isn't that great for my life and that it's time to sever ties from it. It means trusting God even when I don't know what the next month, season or year will look like, and for a planner-girl that is h.a.r.d.

There is obviously way to more to unpack here, but I'm slowly starting here. So, for the first three weeks of January what has that looked like, from the trivial to the hard?

  • making a hair appointment after way too long. (The last haircut was so bad, I had to have my then 12-year-old clean up the back after two trips to the stylist). 
  • signing up for a crochet class in February. My mom made afghans for me and my sister and all the baby blankets for the grandkids and I started to feel a little sad that that was fading away.
  • commiting to a Whole 30 in February (plus one day in January) ... for real. I've done a couple what I would call faux-30s, but I need to reset my eating habits and taste buds. I'm needing all the courage I can get to break a diet coke and sweetened coffee habit!
  • showing up in hard places when I don't want to because it's where God wants me to be. (Vague but it needs to be right now).
Some of these things are super silly but there are fears associated with them of failure, rejection, pain, and baggage. Making some progress in a few smaller areas (looking at the dreaded hair cut and trying the class), will hopefully gather momentum as the Lord takes me to other areas he wants me to step out in the coming months, both internally and externally.

Soli deo gloria.

One of my goals this year has been to diversify my reading. As I've spent the last 17 years homeschooling anywhere from 1-4 kids, I woul...