This year I decided to spend the year thinking about courage. As I was looking at definitions I settled on this: courage is strength in the face of pain or grief; the ability to undertake an overwhelming difficulty or pain despite the eminent and avoidable presence of fear. I kept coming back to this word and arguing with myself about it. I'm not fighting a horrible disease or on the brink of bankruptcy so I thought courage might be a bit too ... bold of a choice. I could settle for something "easier" like joy or gratitude! But no. I couldn't shake it and started to settle in and see what it might look like for me.
Courage means taking a bold step forward even when you are pretty sure you are going to mess it up. It means trying something new, even when it seems like it's too late. It means admitting I like something even if it's super nerdy and not hip. It also might mean admitting that something isn't that great for my life and that it's time to sever ties from it. It means trusting God even when I don't know what the next month, season or year will look like, and for a planner-girl that is h.a.r.d.
There is obviously way to more to unpack here, but I'm slowly starting here. So, for the first three weeks of January what has that looked like, from the trivial to the hard?
- making a hair appointment after way too long. (The last haircut was so bad, I had to have my then 12-year-old clean up the back after two trips to the stylist).
- signing up for a crochet class in February. My mom made afghans for me and my sister and all the baby blankets for the grandkids and I started to feel a little sad that that was fading away.
- commiting to a Whole 30 in February (plus one day in January) ... for real. I've done a couple what I would call faux-30s, but I need to reset my eating habits and taste buds. I'm needing all the courage I can get to break a diet coke and sweetened coffee habit!
- showing up in hard places when I don't want to because it's where God wants me to be. (Vague but it needs to be right now).
Some of these things are super silly but there are fears associated with them of failure, rejection, pain, and baggage. Making some progress in a few smaller areas (looking at the dreaded hair cut and trying the class), will hopefully gather momentum as the Lord takes me to other areas he wants me to step out in the coming months, both internally and externally.
Soli deo gloria.