It's not that I haven't thought about writing lately. I have. But when I've had the time to sit, either the words haven't come, or they've been too jumbled to adequately process and type out. A question of the day that was talked over at Women at Home has been on my mind for much of this week. The question was about "drop-ins" and if you like them. Do you mind if the unexpected visitor shows up at your door, would you prefer that they call first ... or not come by at all.

The responses were varied. There were several that loved having an open door policy and having visitors stop over for coffee, impromptu Bible study, and whatever else may come along. Then, for some, a drop-in was most dreaded. It might be okay if they called first, and also who the "dropee" is ...

This touches on something that I've been pondering and struggling with for several months now. Hospitality. Being vulnerable. More open. Living an extravagant life and not one hidden under a bushel. And, I think I've about come to the conclusion that the blogging world might contribute a little bit to my mentality of being closed off and less than I could be, or God would have me to be.

For example, I'm not an extrovert. I do well in a group when I have my "game face" on, but don't expect me to be up-close and personal with you when there's a group. I get easily overwhelmed in large social situations. It's easier for me to say, let's just stay home as a family, instead of loading us all up and going to a friend's party, or out-to-dinner. Just stay home where I don't have to make the effort to get involved in another's life.

That last line is the key. It's easy in my little blog world to interact with tons of people daily without being involved in one ounce of their lives. I can share with So-&-So in her daily life on my terms ... I can catch up whatever time of the day I want. I don't have to interact at all if I don't want, I can just read and move along. I'm not inconvienced by her ... if I disagree, I can just delete her from my reading list and move along.

That doesn't seem to me to be the picture of real fellowship that Christ gave me in the Bible. We're supposed to be actively involved in the others' lives: encourage, rebuking, discipling, mentoring, showing patience, hospitality, love and the list could go on and on. I'm not saying at ALL that those things can't happen in an online relationship, but when I have been given amazing real-life relationships that I isolate and hybernate from because I'm too afraid or tired, or just plain unwilling, to put forth the effort, that's where I see a problem. Last night, I got to have dinner with the woman who I consider my best friend and I was sharing some of these thoughts with her. This is a woman that if I called her day or night, for whatever the reason, whatever the time, and said I need you, she would come. When I'm not cultivating that relationship because of laziness ... rather I'm spending my time peering into the lives of others without any cost to self, I'm missing out on a treasure that God has handed me.

Like I said these thoughts are still pretty muddled and in process of being sorted. This is just something that I'm feeling convicted about and am working through.