This past Sunday I had one of those moments where my 2009 theme hit close to home. The music team at church ended the service with the song Amazing Love. The last few lines of the song are "in all I do ... I honor You; in all I do ... I honor You."
Right before these two lines, I was standing there watching the music team close the service and was feeling an intense sadness that I was not up there singing with them. For about 3 years I helped coordinate the music team at our church and thoroughly enjoyed it. I was serving alongside both my husband and my best friend - obviously a win-win situation. :) However, after E was born, it was becoming very obvious to both myself and Travis that it was time for me to step down from the position. The duties that I had with the music team were taking too much time away from the girls and/or I was having to get up earlier and earlier to get things done before they woke up, and with a newborn not sleeping through the night, I was struggling.
At first, when I quit, it was with MUCH relief. I was able to catch up on some sleep, had a better attitude with my girls, more time for our home, etc. However, over the past year, as I've watched my husband continue his involvement with the music team and my best friend has stepped back into a position of leadership after the birth of her 4th little man, I've been a little sad that I'm not getting to serve alongside them.
Don't get me wrong ... I absolutely, 100%, believe that I'm where I am supposed to be and serving where I'm supposed to be within my family and our local body of believers. I have peace about that. However, I haven't been very joyful about it. Not at all. Those last lines of the song on Sunday were a good reminder to me that when I am joyful, no matter my wishes and desires, I am honoring God when I am where He thinks is best for me. It honors Him when I am joyfully serving my family and supporting my husband (and friends) in their God-given ministries.
A good reminder for the first Sunday of the new year, I thought. :)
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Hi Stephanie!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by the blog! Before I had my two sons, my dream was to have three girls. ;)
I'm happy with my sweet boys, but ahhh ... girls make me smile.
Great post! I also struggle with the desire to serve outside my home. It's hard because I feel my passion is women and there is a huge need in my church. But there is an even bigger need in my home. I hope to get my home ordered this winter so I can do ministry to women through my home. Thanks for reminding me what is most important.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I have the same struggles. I am stepping down from some positions in our church, and even though I know that I should have taken this stop 2 years ago, and it brings me much relief, it's still a struggle to let go, when the need in our church is great as well.
ReplyDelete:)
Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteWhenever I hear/sing that song, I have a hard time singing that line. Instead, I change it to: "In all I do I WANT to honor You." Somehow it doesn't seem honest for me to sing that I *am* honoring Him in all I do--I fall too short, though I *want* to be honoring.